thank you for keeping me here

would i not have been gone long ago
if not for the bienvenue of cold wires and metal plates...?
better than the heaving chests and red eyed stares of warm bodies

but this is not what we speak of today.
today is for despair
puzzlement, frustration
screams emitting from tapping fingers
a;lksdhj;alskdhaoerihg;lrkasngalsknhowhigqworihn'raknas'kdgnw'epgsirgh
that's it! that is the way it goes. how else? no other way.
the neighbors would hear.
i'd scratch my voice.
my face would turn red.
i'd feel a fool.

and so,
the recourse is this, mediocre may it sound
there's no room for thinking about mediocrity now, it is desperation it is a reaching out for nothing a clawing at the air beyond, give it back give it back give me back my equanimity.
but that was never there, it was always a lil this a lil that.
how do people deal with it? so fragile we seem, crumbling in our shells
we are powder but appear stone, full and firm and formed and permanent
-seeming
i can go with that...